THIR13EN GHOSTS  (REVIEW)
Dir. Steve Beck
Reviewer. Dan Cook
A very loose remake of the 1960 schlock-fest from William Castle, THIR13EN GHOSTS is one of the best-looking but resoundingly silliest horror movies of the early 2000’s. Directed by Steve Beck and starring Tony Shalhoub, Matthew Lillard, Embeth Davidtz, Shannon Elizabeth and Oscar winner F. Murray Abraham, THIR13EN GHOSTS tells the story of a financially bereaved family who is gifted a house from a distant relative only for it to be the domain of a number of deadly phantoms.
While the production design of the labyrinthine glass mansion is absolutely top notch and the spirits themselves look amazing thanks to the reliably terrific make-up work by Greg Nicotero and Howard Berger, THI13EN GHOSTS is fatally haunted by a laughably poor script, a handful of horribly dated and unconvincing CGI sequences, a ridiculously convoluted plot so full of holes it could be used as a cheese grater and a number of terrible performances from some usually very good actors - particularly Matthew Lillard who here appears to be channelling his inner, most over the top Nicolas Cage impression.
(ed - And that is exactly why THIR13EEN GHOSTS is a terrifically entertaining popcorn flick. What the MCU films are to Martin Scorsese, is exactly what this is to the horror genre, never scary, plenty of gore (also one of the greatest deaths in horror history) and always entertaining. What the film lacks in truly well written, and acted, characters, just gives us stereotypes that are essentially just fodder for the ghosts at hand.)